Praising Upward

There is a principle that I talk with my research lab of graduate students about quite often when we are reviewing professionalism topics - it is the idea of praising upward. The concept is pretty basic and straightforward... you just look for ways to praise those in authority or ranked above you.

The reason it is something I prioritize in my teaching of trainees is because it is very, very difficult to remember to do. So much so, that most people don't EVER do it. I would ask readers to take a moment to reflect on the last time you intentionally and directly praised one of your superiors, either in the workplace or in social settings. It's probably pretty difficult to remember a time, am I right? That said, it's pretty easy to remember to provide constructive feedback or complain about issues when they arise with our leaders. So we have to counteract that with intentionality around expression of positive feedback.

There are two avenues where I think praising upward could (or should) be applied in a parenting context in the sport of volleyball (or any youth sport for that matter). First, our young athletes need to be encouraged to provide positive feedback to their coaches or even more senior players on their team. Just like players need positive feedback to know what they are doing right - coaches and other team leaders need positive feedback to know what things are working within their roles. How might this look? Here are a few scripted examples:

• "Thanks coach for all you do for our team - the energy you put into practices makes them really fun!"

• "It helps me a lot when you demonstrate for me the thing you are talking about."

• "Thanks for the feedback coach! I'll work hard to start applying it." (in the context of constructive feedback)

• (After being told the athlete did something well) "Thanks coach! That means a LOT coming from you!"

• (To team captains) "I love that new cheer you did in the huddle! Gets me really ready to play!"

• (To team captains) "Your leadership and communication on the court makes SUCH a difference for us!"

How do young people learn best about how to do these types of activities well? Mostly from observing their parents doing them. So that brings me to the second avenue where this can be applied in the parenting context. Parents, we also need to provide positive feedback and praise to our athletes' coaches, club staff/directors, and other sport-related personnel as a way of modeling this for our kids. Folks working within the youth sport realm are often regularly just volunteering their time, and when they are not just volunteering, they are getting paid VERY LITTLE for their time. Here are some examples:

• "That was a tough loss, but I can see the team's improvement under your leadership - keep up the good work!"

• "My daughter loves the specific feedback you are giving to her - it's really motivating her to improve!"

• "Thank you for your time investment in these kids... you are making a HUGE difference in their lives!"

• "I really appreciate how you keep your cool and stay positive, even when the team seems to be struggling with applying what you are teaching them."

• (To club directors) "We love participating in this club - in part for the excellent coaching but even more so for the character development that you prioritize."

• (To club directors) "I don't know how you all arrange so many complicated season schedules as effectively as you do, but thank you for all you do to keep things organized."

There is a foundational element that is required for this praising upward to have any meaning whatsoever - and that is that the feedback and praise has to be GENUINE. If it is not, you can actually do more damage than good. Take, for example, a context where parents are regularly complaining about their athlete's coach at home, in circumstances where the kids can hear the conversation. Then, those same parents give praise to the coaches in front of their kids, trying to model this praising upward principle. Now what parents are modeling for their kids has shifted from something positive toward something very, very negative - they are modeling manipulation. Manipulation, like most negative interpersonal things, has a very distinct smell to it. I'll talk about this more in other posts, but folks can tell when praise is not genuine, and it ends up having the opposite effect of what positive praise is intended to do. The best and most obvious example of this that I can think of is the southern cultural phrasing, "Oh bless his heart!" when the meaning is actually flavored with contempt or ridicule or condescension. This say-one-thing-but-mean-another is a fairly blatant version... but the expression of praise that is not genuine is a close cousin.

Now if you are wondering to yourself, why would I even bother with this? There is a pretty simple answer - the more you praise something the more you will see it. We are all creatures who respond to positive feedback. When you are working hard at something and someone recognizes you for it, it's much easier to continue giving effort to and investing energy in that thing.

To summarize, the practice of praising upward is a vital yet often overlooked aspect of positive interpersonal dynamics, particularly in youth sports contexts. By encouraging our young athletes to express genuine appreciation to their coaches and senior teammates, we not only foster a supportive environment but also instill valuable life skills in our children. An added side benefit is this behavior likely strengthens the bonds between coaches and athletes and promotes a team environment of positive communication. Parents play a crucial role in modeling this behavior; their authentic praise for coaches and sports staff can significantly influence their children's understanding of constructive feedback. Ultimately, embracing the principle of praising upward can enhance motivation and engagement, creating a more positive atmosphere for everyone involved in youth sports. As we recognize and celebrate the efforts of those in leadership roles, we contribute to a culture of positivity that benefits both individuals and the collective team experience.