Constructive versus Destructive Cheering

There are many different types of parent cheering styles. Here are a few I've noticed:

1. The Retired Player (this is me... cringe): This parent has a history of playing themselves. Could have been one year in middle school, could have been 10 years including Division I college ball - they know enough about the game to be dangerous. Their cheering often includes some very specific volleyball tips/terms/referee judgements/etc.

Examples: "Watch the dump!"

"No way was that a carry, Ref!"

"They are out of rotation!" (I have actually done this - yikes)

"Nice touch on that ball!"

2. The Forever Optimist: This parent is clapping and positive and happy no matter what the score or what the team is doing. They are just happy to be there and happy to see their kid doing something they love. Coaches love this type of parent, because everyone needs a lift sometimes. Other parents may not always love this type of parent, depending on how the team is doing. The worst scenarios are when the Forever Optimist parent runs out of steam, and their cheers become strained and labored. Soooo, if you are not this type of parent but you see this happening to someone who is, get that person coffee or snacks or a hug, immediately.

   Examples: "That was GREAT!" (It may or may not have been great)

   "It's so fun to see you having fun!"

   "We can do this! Let's go"

3. The Parent Who Knows Nothing About the Game: This parent is someone who wants to engage, but is getting the sport confused with other sports or trying to apply their own prior athletic experiences from other sports to volleyball. I would say most early parents fall into this category or the Silent but Engaged Parent category - which is totally ok as long as there is a growth trajectory.

Examples: "Way to stop that ball!" (for a block)

"Nice play!" (when they actually really messed up the play)

4. The "Every Day is a Bad Day" Parent: This parent may be in a phase of life that is difficult, or they may be overly stressed out by the volleyball environment (loud noises, lots of chaos, whistles, etc), or they may be just a negative Nancy in general. Other parents experience relief when this parent misses games, and coaches expect to get an earful about all the things they are doing wrong at the end of every practice and game. Do not be this parent. They are the absolute worst.

Examples: "Oh c'mon girls! You can do better than that!"

"Ugh, we just can't seem to put it together today..."

5. The Sideline Coach (also me sometimes... double cringe): This parent usually has a coaching or playing background in volleyball of some kind. They are well-meaning, and they may even have really good tips that can be useful for player development. But their draw of athletes' attention over to them and away from their team and/or their coach can be problematic. At worst I've seen parents calling their kids over to the stands during a game so they can give them pointers or calling their child's serve during the game. At best these parents will wait to offer tips to the athletes at the end of a game or practice.

Examples: "Serve to the 3-spot! It's wide open!"

"Set right side! She has hot hands!"

6. The Toxic Parent: This is pretty rare, but still happens. The fact that it happens in youth sports at all is mind blowing, but it does. I have heard of parents who cheer for the opposing team's success when they are mad at their team's coaches or want their kid to get more playing time, parents who threaten the coach because of decisions they made, parents who comment negatively on other athletes' appearances or abilities, or parents of rockstar kids who are just never satisfied with their child's performance. I revise my above statement for #4. THIS parent is the absolute worst. Do not be this parent. If you are this parent, please seek therapy right away and please don't attend games until you can get your cheering and volleyball parenting behaviors under control. You ruin the sport for everyone - including your own child. If you are not this parent but you observe another parent on your team doing this - please speak up to encourage the behavior to stop. Coaches do not get paid nearly enough for this type of abuse, and these behaviors can be incredibly destructive for kids in the sport.

Examples: "Play my kid! The team is already losing anyways!"

"Hit it towards the slow one, #27! She can't pass!"

7. The Silent, Stoic but Engaged Parent: These parents may or may not know much about the game, but they tend to be pretty quiet. They are always watching though. They might make the occasional clap, or fist in the air when approving a good play. These tend to be dads more often than moms. My husband is one of these - he tends to be fairly active during games taking pictures. Otherwise he is sitting next to me intently watching the game with an occasional cheer. When he does cheer out loud though, our daughter almost always takes notice because it is so rare. So the impact of the cheer goes a long way because she knows she must have done something really, really good.

Examples: "..." (just kidding - how do you give a text example of silence?)

Maybe the most important thing to realize about cheering for your child and other athletes is that your behavior matters... a lot. Your child may not hear everything you say, but showing up to their games with a positive attitude, a desire to understand the game and what they are doing to improve, a commitment to be supportive of coaches, and a general respect for sport-related authorities (e.g., referees) will be setting the tone for your athlete and their experience in the sport.

If you are new to the sport and want to be a constructive cheerer here are some ways you can be loud and proud for your athlete to promote their confidence and team spirit:

• Celebrate improved skills and effort:

  The best way to sustain effort is to praise it, and if you want to promote a growth mindset in your young athlete, you should also praise the process of development. We will see our kids grow in the ways we promote for them. The nice thing about celebrating effort and improvement is that it is not dependent on winning - so it's something that can be done no matter the context. Here are some examples:

  • "I love your hustle! Keep it up!"

  • "Wow, I can't believe you got to that ball - you'll get it the next time!"

  • "I can tell you have been really working hard on that (specific skill). I'm so impressed with your growth this season!"

• Recognize the good in each play:

  Even when a point is lost there are often several things that were done well in a given play. For example, one of my pet peeves is when a play ends because a hitter hit the ball into the net or got blocked or hit it out of bounds, but a really good pass was made or a really good set was made, and no one remembers those parts of the play.

  • "Way to get that ball up! It's ok - you'll get the next one!"

  • "Whoa that set was FIRE! The connection will come!"

  • "Good communication on that ball!"

• Encourage key aspects of team engagement:

  Communication is a foundational aspect of volleyball. It is a very fast sport with lots of court movement and quick plays. You don't have to be a Division 1 coach to tell when a team is demoralized, shutting down, or moving towards loss of communication. So, you can always cheer your athlete on to keep communication up. Here are some examples:

  • "Talk, talk, talk!"

  • "Keep up the communication! You're doing great!"

  • "Call the ball!"

  • "Read the setter!" (this is often focused towards middle hitters so they can position for the block, but all defensive players should be learning to do this to try to predict the play and watch for a setter dump)

  • "Talk to your hitters!" (this is for defensive players who are covering the hitter - when they move up close to the hitter to cover for the block, it can help the hitter if the defensive player tells them where the block is and/or how many blockers are going up - high level defensive players may also look across the court to make a quiet suggestion to the hitter about where to place the hit)

• If all else fails, here are a few basic things that every athlete can be encouraged towards no matter what the level of play:

  • "Quick feet! You got this!"

  • "Eye on the ball!"

  • "Remember your training!"

  • "Push points!"

One final note - tone matters. You can be saying the most perfect thing from the sidelines, but if it is done with a tone of judgment, snarkiness, or frustration, it's just as bad as saying something bad. For example, imagine a team is losing 24-0 (I have been there before in a game with my daughter and it is crushing) and a parent yells out, "C'mon let's get a point!" - that can sound many different ways depending on the tone. And negative tone is destructive.